In which I guest blog for my league about my derby crush.

http://www.midstatesos.com/2014/06/if-skater-cant-go-to-rollercon-bring.html?m=1

That Smell

One thing I was not fully prepared for in roller derby was the smell.

I've been around athletes and in locker rooms before but the smell that permeates derby is something that cannot be described.

Ever up for a challenge, I will try. 

I don't know where to start so I will start with the bodies. First of all derby girls don't glisten, we sweat. Buckets of that shit. Heavy cardio and hot venues make for some major cases of boob sweat, crack sweat and pit staining sweat.

And we hug. Usually after we sweat.

Derby safety gear is something altogether disgusting. Even the cleanest derby player, the girls who conscientiously washes her knee and elbow pads and wrist guards, is going to stink. 'Cause that stank just doesn't ever go away.

And I am lazy. Too lazy to always pull my gear bag out of the car, let alone air it out in the laundry room.

So after leaving my gear bag stewing in m car for a day or two, I go to practice in our non-climate controlled practice facility, strap on my smelly gear, skate for two hours, and then go home.

Peeling off the practice clothes can trigger the gag reflex.

And I'm not even squeamish. 

Think of the smell of feet. Teenage boy socks, under the bed for weeks. That wet, swampy, corn chip, ear wax, butt cheese stench and you might come close.

I am embracing middle age

Home Season opener jitters.

I am always a little nervous about home openers. I'm sure all athletes experience some of this before competition. The difference in modern day roller derby is that we are not only the athletes, but also the organizers, producers, and promoters of this event. Everything falls on us. Public relations and advertising, coordinating volunteers, setting up the venue, literally everything.

It's daunting. It's a time suck. But if we want to experience the fun part of derby, we have to do the dirty work as well. It's happening this Saturday.

This is where all the roller derby stuff goes. Well, most of it, anyway.

I'm the fat one in the center with the cankles.